Try cleaning your mirror

What if I told you that there are two versions of you? There is the 'you' that the world sees and the 'you' that you see. This is because the way we view ourselves differs from the way other people see us. We either see ourselves based on our skills, strengths and talents or from a view point based on our doubts, weaknesses and fears.

You likely know someone that is talented in a certain area and everyone can see it except the person. They will usually undermine their work or point to someone better than them. Their view of themselves is negative and their speech tends to be in a debasing tone. Put in another way, they have a negative self-image.

                                            We don't always see ourselves as others see us.

What is a self-image? 

Self-image is essentially how you view and describe yourself. It is the foundation of your external image; your personal brand. You can't portray something to the outside world that you don't first see in yourself. Put inversely, our personal brands stem from what we think of ourselves. It is hard to dress in a way that doesn’t match your level of confidence and self-worth, the first step to building a personal brand is alignment to ‘the self’.

What goes into your self-image?

Our environment is a key factor that influences how we view ourselves. If you grew up in a place of poverty, it's easy to associate yourself as someone worth growing up in such an area. For you to be raised in a household that struggles and then grow up to live a well off life takes a positive self-image. The world is filled with examples of millionaires that grew up in tough times, with parents that barely had enough money to meet their needs. These are people that decided that they are capable of creating wealth; they saw themselves as having potential despite their environment. 

Another factor is what you are told by those around you growing up. This can be people your age or those older than you. People can say words that either build you up or make you insecure. What often happens is that over time we accept what is continuously said about us.

A third element is the way we talk to ourselves; it is a result of both the environment that we were raised in and the people around us. We either constantly beat ourselves up or encourage ourselves. A key point is appreciating the difference between failing to achieve something and being a failure, one is an act whereas the other is a trait. Therefore, we need to be aware of and manage what we way talk to ourselves about...ourselves. 

How do you fix your self-image? 

You start by recognizing what your current self-image is. A great way to do this is to sit down and write all the negative things you think of about yourself, along with all your doubts. Then dissect the root of each one of these, trace them back to where they started. These likely exist due to past failures, others people's experience or what you grew up being told by those around you.

Sieve out all that is baseless and you will start to see your reflection a bit clearer.

Which way is north?

Cars have GPS systems that essentially act as digital maps. If you don’t have a

map or a GPS system, you will have to rely on people’s directions to help you get to your destination. This is not the most reliable approach as a person can unknowingly lead you astray and so it’s vital that you have a map. Similarly with your personal brand, you need to be in charge of which route it takes. You do this in a number of ways.

DRESS SENSE

 You probably know someone that is a sharp dresser and is regarded by everyone as fashionable. That person has built an image which dictates how people describe them. In the same vein, it’s possible to build a negative image based on how you dress. You need to decide on a dress sense and be consistent about it. When I was a young professional and wanted to be taken more seriously at my workplace I started wearing suits daily. I met resistance at first but ultimately the approach earned me respect and changed people’s views of me. 

YOUR SPEECH 

Beyond how we look, people judge us based on how we speak. This is in the words we say and how we say them.  If you are a timid person, you don’t have to tell people as they will pick it up from how you talk about yourself. A person that believes in themselves will always talk positively about their abilities and potential. The way you talk about yourself is a reflection of your self-image. So as you form that brand ensure that you not only walk the walk but you talk the talk as well. 

SOCIAL MEDIA ETIQUTTE 

The internet is a great place for sharing information and following people that interest you. We get to put up our thoughts through statuses, tweets and pictures. It’s all fun and games until what you post has a ripple effect outside of social media. An example of this is earlier this year when Kevin Hart lost out on presenting the Academy Awards due to a 2011 tweet that was deemed discriminatory. Similarly you can damage your personal brand through the type of posts you share on social media. People look at what you post and form an opinion of you. It’s completely on you to control what the world thinks of you. Let your posts be guided by the personal brand you wish to build. 

BEHAVIOURS 

Every professional sportsman is endorsed by a well-known brand. On the basis of the level of recognition & popularity that the athlete has amassed, the companies are willing to attach their own names to the athlete’s. This on the premise of the value of their personal brand, which goes beyond being great at sports as it includes how they carry themselves in public. A few years ago Tiger Woods’ personal affairs received a lot of negative press and led to the loss of some endorsement deals. In your own life you may lose out on valuable relationships on the basis of your conduct. 

A personal brand is your GPS in life, it will make sure you form intentional, consistent and value adding habits. Make time to reflect and map one out. 

Build the brand and they will come

A Ferrari is a known to be a super car that boasts of a powerful engine and above average technology. You may have never driven one but you have a very clear perception of one, which is that if offers an amazing driving experience. The view you have of a Ferrari is not based on you driving one but it’s on how the car is marketed to you. Personal branding is fairly similar; it is essentially profiling and show casing your value. In essence, you market yourself based on what you have to offer the world. 

In building your personal brand, there are some fundamental steps to follow:

DEFINE THE BRAND

Every brand is intentional about how the market views them. Just as Ferrari set out to be seen as an advanced and powerful car, you need to decide how you want the world to view you. Your brand should be based on your strengths, experience and talent within your chosen field. It must never be a façade as that borders on fraud. It is crucial that you have a clear image you want to portray as it will form the foundation of how you will market yourself. Think of it as looking at a map and making sure you have the exact location of where you are going before you leave the house. 

STATUS QUO

You need to have an honest monologue around how the world describes you and any negative label you may have. A great way to accomplish this is to have three close and objective friends, or colleagues, share with you how they define you and how mutual friends view you. . Insist on honest & unbiased feedback that doesn’t spare your feelings. Thereon you compare the feedback with your own self-image. The exercise is futile if you can’t accept some negative traits & behaviours that you have. 

ACTION PLAN

Once you have figured out the gap between who you are today and who you want to be going forward, you need to work out a to-do-list of what needs to get done. This may involve adjusting your wardrobe, upskilling yourself or working on your public speaking skills. Once all of that is in place, the next action item is to show case the value that you offer. An effective way to achieve that is to have a public presence. Exposure ensures that people see and hear you; therefore they know who you are and what you are about. 

Social media will have to become your best friend. It’s proven to be the leading forum for getting messages across, both for individuals and companies. Depending on the brand you are building, you will need to share posts demonstrating you adding value in your chosen space. This ranges from speaking at seminars, hosting workshops, pictures of your work or videos. 

REVIEW

A plan is only effective if it bears results. After 6 months of working on all of this, go through the exercise of asking for feedback from those around you. This will give you the opportunity to tweak your approach if need be.

It’s either you define yourself or the world will define what they think of you. Be intentional and be in charge of your image. 

Sell me this pen

“Sell me this pen” is a classic test of sales skills. It’s an assessment technique that is used to weigh how effectively a sales person can sell an item as ordinary as a pen. The trick in getting a buyer is not about how well the pen can write but rather about striking an emotional chord that ignites interest in the pen. Passing the test needs word play as well being able to articulate value.

                                                              

 If you can convince someone to buy an item as generic as a pen then you can sell just about anything right? What if you were the item up for sale? What if you only had a limited time, say two minutes? The time factor is the effectiveness behind what’s called the “elevator pitch”. This is a hypothetical scene in which you find yourself with a one on one opportunity to speak to someone of influence, such as a CEO, that you want to pitch to. You may be proposing that the CEO’s company hire you or enlist your services as a business owner. Much like selling a pen, the pitch is a game of tact & strategy. As with any interaction, the trick is to capture the listener’s attention with your first few lines. Such golden moments are hard to come by and so it’s best to bring your A game. Have a ready-made pitch in your back pocket. In the absence of one you will likely be unable to arrange your points effectively and may leave out key areas.

‘’Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor’’-H. Jackson Brown Jr.

The pillars of a solid pitch are:

• It highlights only points that are relevant to the listener.
• It carries a sense of passion & ambition.
•  Your goal is articulated.

The first step is to have a firm grasp of your strengths, skills and accomplishments. From these you derive the value that you are able to offer. That value is packaged as a brand. The brand serves as your promise. If we look at Nike and what its promise is, it’s safe to say that their adverts generally speak about quality and how Nike is associated with superior athletes. Crossing over to the vehicle space, BMW drivers are assured of superior technology and efficient engines. The question is what is your brand? What can you promise the CEO? Therein lays the foundation of your pitch. Learn how to package yourself and put your best foot forward. 

You would look better in blue

"It's a nice suit but I don't think it's the right colour for you". Most of us have received advice of this nature at some point. While it may not have been about a suit, the advice was about what someone else thought was best for us. We have surrounded ourselves with friends and associates that we turn to for counsel. While it's great to have advisers, if you don't have a personal compass that you subscribe to then the wind will carry you to wherever it wishes.

It's key that you have a clear definition of who you are and what you are about. This guides how you carry yourself and how people perceive you. That view forms a category that they place you under, it may be may be in a good way or a bad way-it all depends on you. This is why it is key to take time to define your personal brand and to be intentional about it. There are some elements that your defined brand should feature.

The type of events you attend

It sounds like overkill but the more you take your image seriously the more you understand that there are places its best you are not seen in. Let's say you are a Managing Director of a large well known business. There would be a class of parties you would attend and a class that wouldn't sway from.

Social media

You likely enjoy sharing memes. No harm in that, until you start posting memes that people may find offensive. That would speak to the level of respect you accord others. To an onlooker this speaks to a flaw in your character and you can be sure that you will be judged on that. The content you share is a direct reflection on you. It can be insightful and value adding or just crude and shallow-it all depends on you.

Etiquette

I’m not going to get into what kind of fork to use when having your main course because I can never get it right. But I will touch on the need to decide how you will carry yourself. How you are dressed is one aspect, another side of the coin is your mannerism. Being well dressed but lacking common decency is counterproductive and will leave you as the only loser in that scene.

A brand is a function of the type of goals you have and the life you want to lead. If you ensure that the path you are working on is crystal clear then the brand you need to maintain will naturally develop.  

Do not humble dry

Most clothes have a tag that advises how you should wash and iron them. Labels on silk clothes say the item will burn if you iron it. The tag creates an expectation of what will occur if you treat the clothing item in a certain way. Similarly we also have labels that have been placed on us. We have the choice to either embrace or resist them.

                                

                                            Each fabric has a recommended treatment method.

I grew up with a terrible stutter. Classmates would make fun of me and so in turn I ended up being a reserved kid. I wasn't shy but I was quiet. My teachers would often say to my folks "He's smart but very shy". Until that became the song that everyone sang. With time I started singing it too by accepting that to be what I'm known for. That led to me closing myself off to a number of opportunities that needed me to speak up, have my picture taken or stand in front of a crowd. Shy people aren't known for being outgoing and so I complied with the norm. Eventually I "found" myself and now I'm a public speaker. It wasn't an easy stage to reach because it involved rejecting something I had carried all my life. Let's look at the thought process that will allow for reflection through a couple of questions.

Do you have a negative label?

Is it fair that you have been given that tag?

What image do you want to have instead?

Once you have answers to these, you need to then map a path that leads to the brand that you desire to have instead. The building blocks needed to set that up include:

Intention

The first ingredient is deciding to set up a specific brand or perception about you. Your behaviour and decision making should be all done with the end goal in mind. Nike has a branding strategy; there is no reason why you shouldn't have one too. 

Definition

Your desired image should be crystal clear. We can summarize this into how you dress, your social media presence and what events you feature in. 

Strategy

Now that you know where you want to go, you then fill in the gaps around what you need to get there. This will involve up skilling, possibly amendments to your wardrobe and making time for reviewing if your approach is effective.

No label is permanent; it’s up to you to define your brand. Gauge the label that’s been put on you and make sure you are proud to be known by it. 

Thanks but its an old jacket

         

                              

Do you ever stand in front of a mirror just to admire your good features? Spending a minute or two telling your reflection how great you are and how good you look? Most of us don't. Once we are ready to leave the house we only look at the mirror to make sure we don't have any toothpaste on our face or that our clothes aren't wrinkled.

                                                    Checking yourself out is not a crime.

Yet once we are out in the world we take time admiring how other people are well dressed or have drawn their eyebrows really well. All this does is to drain us of our joy and self-worth. It’s key to reflect and weed out any vices that work against us. Let’s look at the usual culprits.

How you react to compliments

When a person has a confidence issue then their default setting is to dilute any positive words said about them. You have probably at one point told someone that you liked their outfit and they acknowledged your kind words but watered them down. They deflect because what you are saying doesn't match the view they have of themselves. Compliments are a great ego boost. How effective and long lasting that boost is depends entirely on us. We can choose to either shrug it off as someone being nice or we can internalize it and let it instill a positive perception of ourselves. 

Shyness

We all know at least one shy person. That person might even be you. The basis of shyness is doubt; not being good enough as the next person. The way to overcome this is by singling out what you are good at and choosing to keep your eyes glued on it.

"I'm so shy, I wear sunglasses everywhere I go" - Al Pacino

Down playing achievements

Humility is admirable but overdoing it costs you more than you realise. While pride is a brother to arrogance, and is nothing to seek, you need to have an element of pride. This will give you the boldness to talk about yourself and your accolades boldly.  With that said, we undo all of that through learning to compliment ourselves. Before we step out into the world we must first have said something positive to ourselves. Try this, in the morning before leaving the house stand in front of the mirror not just to make sure that you are presentable but also literally tell yourself that you look good. When doing it at first it will feel strange as talking to you in an audible voice is something you have probably not done much of.

There is a fine line between being arrogant and being bold. So next time someone says "That's a nice jacket” be sure to say "Thanks, it's one of my favourites".

Just come in jeans & a t shirt

                                         

                      

Chances are you know someone that's always dressed up, regardless of the occasion. Whether it be work, a conference or a party. You probably think they are too serious and don't know when to tone things down. Ironically, they likely think you don't take yourself seriously enough. To be honest it's less stressful to dress in a basic smart casual style to most events. You won't take much time getting ready and can always change your mind on what to wear at the last minute. While it seems like a good idea, not being intentional about how you look costs you more than you realize. Our 'always serious' friend knows this very well and is therefore not willing to compromise on any day.

While you may not attend events in baggy or mismatching clothes dressing in an 'OK' outfit ensures that you blend in and don't make a mark. The truth is people judge you based on how you are dressed. As you introduce yourself part of their focus is on your looks. You may be witty and eloquent but dressing in a dull manner is sure to dilute your worth.

Consistently dressing well says a couple of things about you:

• You value your image.
• You appreciate that your presentation is people's first impression of you.
• There is a clear element of being intentional about your brand.

While people may not be consciously aware of it, they will take you seriously if it is evident that you do as well. The more you are seen this way the more you start to develop a brand as ‘that always well dressed’ person. It is vital to strive for a brand that is associated with positive features. Let’s look at a few basics to consider when attending a corporate event:

• Take note of any advice on attire noted on the invite.
•  Aim to be recognized due to how presentable you are and not for how colorful your outfit is.
• If you wear a suit, ensure that it’s a fine fit. Baggy clothes make one look clumsy and not bright.
• Dress in line with the location of the event. If it’s in a garden then it’s safe to take it as a smart casual affair. Events held in conference centers are generally formal affairs.

Diamond rings aren't presented in rugged leather casings but in cases that are covered in suave black suede. Have that image in mind next time you think of grabbing the nearest outfit when heading to an event.